Vermin Supreme: Riding Our Ponies into a Zombie Apocalypse

Vermin+Supreme%3A+Riding+Our+Ponies+into+a+Zombie+Apocalypse

Jessica Ventura, Writer/Editor

What if everyone in the US got their own pony? Sure we’ve all heard of Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Donald Trump. But do they promise free ponies and zombie apocalypse protection programs? No, it’s one person and one person only: the boot-wearing, time-traveling, three-time presidential hopeful Vermin Supreme.

According to performance artist and political advocate Vermin Supreme, America’s most enduring threat is not illegal immigration from Mexico or Muslim citizens without distinct ID cards, but the looming zombie apocalypse. ‘’We should be utilizing the awesome power of zombies for energy sources,” Vermin said during his 2012 campaign. His strategy involves building massive turbines and hanging brains in front of the zombies, who will then spin the huge turbines producing energy, decreasing the need for foreign oil.

With his motto, “Strong teeth for a strong America,” he also supports mandatory tooth-brushing acts for Americans. “For too long, Gingivitis has been corroding the gum line of this country and must be stopped. This nation has been enduring both moral, and oral, decay in spirit and in sizers. A nation’s future is based on its ability to bite back.”

Supreme achieved national infamy during the New Hampshire Primary Conference in December 2012, where he notoriously “glitter-bombed” pro-life advocate Randall Terry live on C-SPAN. Soon after C-SPAN televised this debate, Supreme’s glitter-bombing and political movement went viral.

Little is known about Vermin Supreme’s private life, other than that he has a wife and lives in Massachusetts. His political career took off in 1986 when he united with the Great Peace Rally for International Atomic Disarmament against nuclear artillery. Two years later, he began running for office in local, municipal, and national elections. He frequently appears in public with an enormous Wellington boot on his head and carries around an oversized toothbrush.

Supreme describes himself as a “friendly fascist,” a “tyrant you can trust” and says that he “will lie to you because he has no reason not to.”

In 2012, 833 people in New Hampshire found Vermin Supreme’s campaign convincing enough to get their vote (Barack Obama got 49,080 votes, and Ron Paul got 2,289). Also in the 2012 election season, he established the Free Pony Party. If elected, Supreme guarantees every American a pony. He believes that free ponies for all Americans is one of the most unnoticed solutions in America today. His free horse policy would become a jobs creation program, which leads to a pony-based economy.

And he’s back again. A few months ago, Supreme filed as a Democratic candidate for the New Hampshire Primary. He will be embarking on a 20-city tour in his campaign for 2016.

Even though his proposal is unusual to say the least, Supreme does have a point. He may seem crazy due his wild actions, but his ridicule of politics resonates with many Americans. In a meeting, he said: “When President Obama got himself elected on the guarantees of courage and revolution and not being able to provide that, it formed a huge group of kids who are utterly disappointed with politics because they have been guaranteed something, and they didn’t see it coming. It just hit a nerve, and I blew up.”

He believes that through his comedy, he is tackling real, serious issues with the American political system. “I’m very sincere about my humor. I’m determined about free speech, free assembly, the right of public access, these are issues that are also crucial to me as a candidate. It’s just vital for the people to have a say. I am symbolizing a very real number of Americans today.”

Remember, a vote for Vermin Supreme is a vote completely thrown away.